The Diary Of A Teenage Tragedy

wow... i got back from my sisters reception today and we were there from like 2:30 till 9:00 it was crazy...are receptions usually that long... shitttt. I'm feeling slightly useless and my heart feels heavy... Does that ever happen to you. I just found out that this guy i had been really good friends with (then we fought and made up again and we were getting pretty "close" if you catch my drift) is dating a girl he rejected once when we were really good friends a while ago... it kinda hurts. i don't know why seeing as to how i'm over him (i am). I don't know just i kinda thought we had a chance together. God, who am i kidding. Have you ever wanted anyone so bad that you have to assume the feeble position or sometimes you'll remember things he's said to you when he actually cared about you and it's suddenly harder to breathe or someone will remind you of him and you have to leave the room bc it hurts to much to be that close to him and not actually be near him. God, i'm in deep. I don't know how i'm gonna get through this school year i'm humongously fat. I have gottttttt to stop eating so much. Somedays i actually like to look sick. Sometimes i like to be pale and gaunt with big circles under my eyes. It makes people think "maybe she's not who we think". I wanna be the pretties wreck anyone's ever seen. Ever. I will be stunning by the end of the summer. Trust me. Anyway i'm gonna go to be. Wish me luck. Night.

So I'm chilling here. I'm bored. My sisters reception is tomarrow. I'm not exactly looking forward to that. She has it going from like 3 to 10 and she's not even having a dance. i don't know what she thinks her guest are going to do for that amount of time. I spent all day with my gma, aunt and mom... get this... kniting. uh huh that's how bored i've been. i'm making a purse and i'm gonna felt it... it's coming along nice. I also have got got got to pratice guitar. Of course i won't get to it for another 3 days... i'm a horrible procrastionator. This entry had a point but i can't remember what it was. So i'm gonna go and maybe i'll update in a day or 2.

I've been watching really sappy chick flicks recently and idk what provoked me to do this but i decided to watch brokeback mountain. (i think it had something to do with the fact that my grandma thought it was "squirmy" and i didn't get what she was talking about completely) And it is a pretty great film. I know it's an oldish movie and that people were hating on it and if you've seen it you'll probably get why but i think it takes an extremely strong person to be gay and to accept that you're falling for a member of the same sex must be crazy scary. i mean in our society that's "against human nature" (pshh err). Imagine yourself in the position that those guys from brokeback mountain were in... (i don't care if the storys not real or whatever)... that's 2 straight men "falling in love" and acknowledging that there's no way out of it and that they'll always be in love. Think of how much they would have to love each other. I'm a straight 14 year old female and i have yet to meet that special someone so I've never been in love. (I've loved plenty of people but I've never been in love) But i cannot imagine loving someone that much and then going against all you've ever learned to be with that person i think it's crazy. I hope someday i can meet someone that loves me as much as those guys love each other (i think I'd like a guy though... no girls for me.) This is written really badly i just went back and read it and it really has no point but my heart literally hurts from that movie. It's better then the titanic for me because when you see titanic they were on that boat for 2 days and then boom they were in love. These brokeback mountain guys were out in the middle of nowhere for 2 to 5 months or however long it was maybe I'm completely wrong but then they didn't see each other for 4 years and after 4 years they still love each other... i don't know it's just crazy. Also i love love love the casting in that movie i love all the wispering that only real nerds like me can catch... (when ennis sighs into jacks shirt near the end and when ennis goes into the tents (their first kiss) if you're a big brokeback mountain nerd and haven't caught that go watch it turn it up real loud i think it's real cute!) i don't know there's no point to this i just wanted to talk aboutthis to some..thing... so anyway i'm going to bed.

I am listening to music